A Child-led Adventure in Potty Learning

As a clinical psychologist, holistic sleep coach, and most importantly, a mother, I've journeyed through various aspects of parenting with a focus on gentle, responsive, and attachment-focused methods. One of the most enlightening experiences has been introducing my two-year-old daughter to the concept of potty learning, a path markedly different from the conventional potty training approach.

Potty learning, in my experience and understanding, is a process that empowers the child.

It's about supporting them to understand their bodily needs and respond accordingly, fostering a sense of achievement that comes from within. This intrinsic motivation contrasts with potty training, which often imposes a set schedule or plan, potentially leading to undue pressure on both the child and parent. Potty training typically relies on external rewards, which can detract from the child’s internal sense of accomplishment.

My journey with my daughter began when she was just over two years old. Many thought it was too early, but as a parent, I noticed her showing signs of readiness and trusted her capability. This readiness included holding her wee for extended periods, dry nappies after naps, and her growing awareness of the need to go, often communicated clearly to me. She was not just noticing when she had gone but was beginning to recognise the sensation before it happened. She expressed a desire for nappy changes and communicated other body sensations like hunger or feeling cold.

In this journey, one of the subtle yet significant challenges was finding the right balance in guiding her without being overly directive.

Initially, it was tempting to frequently ask her if she needed to go to the bathroom, a reflection of my desire for her to succeed. However, true to the ethos of potty learning, it was crucial to allow her to lead and learn from her experiences. To navigate this, I gently introduced the idea during natural transition times and times when she would be most likely to need to use the toilet – such as after waking up, before naps, and after meals. These moments provided opportunities to check in with her, but it was essential that I didn't push. She was given the choice to respond to her body's cues, learning the natural consequences of her decisions. This approach wasn’t about adhering to a strict schedule but rather about providing gentle guidance while respecting her autonomy.

Significant milestones along the way have been both rewarding and enlightening. Her decision to start emptying the potty by herself was a moment of pride and a little anxiety for me.

Watching her carefully carry her potty to the bathroom was a testament to her growing confidence and sense of responsibility.

Other milestones, like being able to communicate her needs, manage her clothing, and showing pride in her achievements, have been equally significant. Each step has been a celebration of her independence and self-assurance.

From a psychological perspective, this approach aligns with the Circle of Security model of attachment, where I can be a safe place she can return to while she explores and learns. There's no punishment for accidents; instead, we discuss what happened and try again.

I delight in her return to me as her safe place regardless of whether it is after success or an accident. It's about building her confidence, self-esteem, and her trust in her own body.

This approach is crucial for me, as it parallels the focus we placed on intuitive eating when introducing her to solid food, where decisions about her body are hers to make, based on her feelings and needs, not external directives.

For parents considering this approach, my advice is to focus on your child and trust your intuition. Every child is unique and follows their developmental path. Forget the external noise and the 'shoulds' that often come from well-meaning sources. Start when your child is ready, not when a book or a blog says it's time. And remember, patience is key.

This is a developmental milestone, not a race. It's a process that unfolds in its own time.

Navigating through the minefield of social media's portrayal of parenting, it's essential to remember that these platforms often showcase the highlights, not the everyday challenges. Don't compare your journey or your child's progress to what you see online. Be wary of influencers who might not have the necessary training or qualifications. Seek advice from professionals, balance it with your personal experiences, and most importantly, trust your and your child's instincts.

Potty learning is more than just a transition from nappies; it's a vital stage in a child's development and a unique journey for each family.

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